shedding shame

by Break Free Babes

facing a fork road 
got to decide who i want to be 
someone terrified of others 
or someone prioritising her needs
and her heart,
and her mind,
her desires, 
and her sanity 
facing this fork road 
i got to decide for me 

i wonder if this thing i carry 
is rooted in the same
and while the world carries on 
i’m trying to keep up in vain
with the weight of something intangible
solidifying because i anticipate
an assumption of dubious probability 
while the world carries on
i’m fighting the world already —
in my head
i’m shamed and 
i am ashamed 
i wonder if this shame i carry 
is rooted in the same 

the voice of those who raised me
my shame knows my name
a mirror to modern day society
this shame thinks it can replace my brain
and i am drained by this pingpong game of three 
between myself, my shame and between my fear 
when we get together i dance, 
and they sing their song 
with words that penetrate 
words i won’t forget for long: 

“shame on you! 
how dare you?!
what will X think? 
what will Y say? 
what makes you think going against the wind is okay? 
shame on you! 
how dare you?!
what will X say? 
what will Y think?
shame on you!”, together they sing

and this is how my dance, the carrying, this path 
always have been
but now i’m facing a fork road 
it is up to only me 
do i take off these worn out dancing shoes
barefoot walking free? 
or do i carry on this dance 
as the world sings and sings and sings? 

about this poem

as well as being a poet, i’m the organiser of break free babes, a community dedicated to creating safer spaces for women to experience collective healing through conversation and the practice of art. recently, break free babes was invited to the africa is/in the future festival in Brussels, where we hosted a workshop titled shedding shame.

shedding shame was an intimate conversation centred around the topic of shame and shaming. to set the tone, we began with a reading of the poem above, laying a foundation for a discussion on how women and those socialised as women are conditioned to carry shame. the session welcomed 20 participants who courageously shared their experiences, challenged societal norms and explored the deeply embedded ways shame has influenced our lives.

from being (a)shamed for feeling deeply, being too girly, stepping away from gender roles, being vocal and speaking up. the conversation took various forms: group discussions, smaller breakout sessions, and moments of individual reflection, allowing participants to connect and reflect in different ways. although the topic was heavy, voicing and putting these feelings into words felt powerful, even healing. together, we found patterns and common and opposing experiences.the impact of this workshop was undeniable, inspiring me to consider doing shedding shame in different cities.

shedding shame allows us to question what we often don’t. what we often are taught, constantly reminded of and, ultimately, what we are often shamed for.

reflection

while i won’t disclose the workshop’s content, i’ll share some reflective questions below that we explored together.

• in what ways did the poem resonate with your own experiences of shame?

• how often do you find yourself apologizing for yourself?

• how do you show up as your most unapologetic self? do you have a ritual?

thank you for being here.

writing you soon!

sincerely,

Sesa